Hangovers, hedonism & a little happiness

You are a warrior of light

Manveer Grewal — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 18:19:47 +0000

Find a mirror and let yourself know.

Let yourself know that you will find your place in the world and it will be perfect.

Let yourself know that you will make a difference to the way the world progresses.

Let yourself know that you are smart, you are kind and you are brave.

Let yourself know that whatever you ever wished for.. awaits!

I remember you said

Manveer Grewal — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 04:01:48 +0000

I borrowed you from the Gods. – Mom

We found you in that house up the mountain where you were being raised by the Lions. – Mom & Dad explaining conception

People change. Get used to it. – A friend in high school. I wanted to throw a fit.

Why do you do this to yourself, Manveer? – A friend offering support through Negative Psychology(?)

These grades will be with you for the rest of your life. – High school teacher one month before 10th grade national level examination. I must have rolled my eyes.

Those connected by blood will forever be connected. – Dad, helping me write a letter when I was 10 or 11 to my maternal Grandfather who I had never met.

Leadership is influence. Nothing more, nothing less. – First lesson in leadership by the first leader

You will not do it for long - Dad, whenever I tried to do something sporty.

Do whatever you want to do, just make sure you are the best at it. – Dad, supporting my choice to study Humanities over Science. (Bonus: What is Psychology? Is it a real subject? – Mom)

You will be phenomenal. – A predecessor.

I am never able to be completely myself with anyone but you. – A friend, a soulmate

Learn to take care of things you have before you ask for more. – Mom

I asked them to tell me who they thought was the most honest because I could see it in your eyes that you were.

Why do you always choose the most complicated way? – A friend aiming at making me self-reflect, unfortunately had an 8 hour flight with me to go.

I know your secret. – Random note left on the car window-shield

Who else knows? – The eternal question/ response

You are not crazy. – (The one I need to hear the most lately)

A million little pieces of I are scattered over the universe. a million little moments of this life of mine, must be collected here. one day I will meet myself and you will meet yourself. and we’ll try to feel the same, together. this is a preparation, a note, an expectation, a hope and letter to ‘the one’ and the unknown. – Me, justifying existence

Deny Grey

Manveer Grewal — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 11:50:24 +0000

over the grey horizon, hope dies in each pixel of darkness,

and hope arises in each ray of light that we see and we don’t see,

but always there.

Happy day

Manveer Grewal — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 10:05:00 +0000

“I want to run or die or get fucked up. I want to be blind and dumb and have no heart. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. I want to wipe my existence straight off the map. Straight off the fucking map.”
― James Frey

A dark deep desire to be crushed to nothing is self-renewing in mysterious ways.

Hope

Manveer Grewal — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 22:55:14 +0000

Starry Night by Van Gogh.

“Off the lovely woods and the shimmering grass,

up with a thousand dreams, a few bleeding scars,

I walk with a bag full of hope, to be a better man”

Written by a friend I went to school with. Its in his Facebook ‘about me’ section. And we wanted to start a laughter club together when we were 15. Then we grew up. Now we are more likely to start a dark poetry club together.

PS Not to self: Must visit Van Gogh museum ASAP.

Change, Inspiration and such

Manveer Grewal — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 17:50:29 +0000

Sometimes, more than what is being said, its about when and where its being said. And such moments, if they click, can bring about a great deal of insight, inspiration and CHANGE. It is, however, crucial that these moments are not lost in translation or interpretation. And it is not always easy to do that with similar passion and excitement.

I have learnt that we must hold things that inspire us very dear and close to our hearts. Especially if its people. Call them, email them, let them know they inspire you with every conversation and it matters a lot to you.

Change is the only constant they say. But change is also tempting and easy to point out – I mean the need for change is easy to point out. But actually initiating, creating and managing change is a complex process. At the same time, it is a really challenging task to decide what really needs to change and what doesn’t. And sometimes what is needed is a change in the whole context you exist in. You can follow a process to change a process, but what process do you follow to change the context of your existence?

———

The question then becomes if I am here to change things or myself? And the easy answer is: both, or well, whatever is needed. I knew how to do that, once upon a time, I did.

Now, I am thinking to myself: What if you had to start all over again? You have an idea of what really matters, how you could make things really work and live a purposeful life. Perhaps knowing yourself too much is a roadblock from becoming who you could be. But like its famously said by George Elliot, ” It’s never too late to be who you might have been.”

I am a river

Manveer Grewal — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 17:57:22 +0000

I am a river that…

..destroys to create and creates to destroy

..provides it but hasn’t found its own joy

..still carries debris from the past

..overcomes obstacles just to keep moving forward

..is trying to be itself

.. leaves behind people

..shapes things into things of beauty

..and floods to create life

..diverges and dies many small deaths, never reaching the sea

..doesn’t want to diverge and die many small deaths, and reach the sea

the life game

Manveer Grewal — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 02:03:02 +0000

This maybe the kind of choices that drive people to embark on life transforming journeys!
But then, how many times can one tell themselves that? Its just a fantasy, people like me always play safe, infact people like (extraordinarily nice & friendly, mind you) even play dirty to feel safe. Not the kind of dirty that will shock people or invite jaw dropping, eye popping disbelief.
This is a special kind, a special talent in the choices you make, people you talk to (and about what), things you show but more importantly things you hide and how you influence people around you. But there is a catch – intentions & ability, what they are and how they are perceived. Both need to be apt, you only play dirty to get ahead of equally good people, it never raises you above someone who is actually better than you. You just get the advantage of subjectivity. Only to realize that subjectivity works out better than objectivity when it comes to people. When a lot of people believe you are capable, it most probably is true.
The reason I use the word dirty, however, is only because when you are where you always wanted to be, you feel a little dirty for knowing you always knew you’d be there, and wonder if other people ever knew that everything you’ve done & everything you’ve been has been to this outcome. Is that ambition? Confidence? Ability? Commitment? Perseverance? Or because you played the life game right?
But then, you don’t really care, because if you’re like me, you’re busy questioning if this is what you REALLY wanted anyway. You wonder if you got a little too lost & carried away with your own game. Hah. Life.
The world wouldn’t really be a world without people in it, now would it? The ones who make & break other people & themselves, the believers, the cynics, the dreamers, the lost, the hopeful, the ones get what they want, and the ones who keep wondering what is it that they really want!

The Way We Were

Manveer Grewal — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 22:47:47 +0000

Four words but a thought that captured my imagination for days an nights. Remember high school? Whats your best high school memory? Okay, best is not the right word. When my best friend starting dating, she declared – People change, get used to it. Look on the bright side, I had a best friend who taught me such valuable lessons early on.

People. Humans are gregarious instinctively. We need people around us to feel complete. Our perceptions, thoughts, ideas wouldn’t really be the same without other people around us. And then again, its people we are most afraid of, its people that create most of the complications we deal with on a daily basis. Its not money, its not comfort, its not religion, its not war, its people.

I love traveling, but I am a highly paranoid person. The other day, I found it quite amusing to realize that I am almost always afraid of being robbed/cheated/mugged in a new place, but its simply strangers that I am scared of. At the same time, I am scared of strangers back home in Mumbai, but when in another country, an Indian comes across as friendly, and someone I can instinctively trust. Whats with that?

On another note I find almost everything absurd about this world. Sometimes I wonder if it has meant to have survived here for twenty four years. Its been a blur and so far insignificant. You know pointlessness is just around the corner when absurdity meets insignificance. But you keep breathing, for its one thing that seems natural enough.

—

Maybe its for good that I no more write to save myself. My thoughts are more disintegrated than ever and I bet you couldn’t tell you if you met me in the real world.

A: Do you cry sometimes?

B: Sometimes.

A: For any particular reason, memory or pain?

B: No, for nothing in particular but the bottomless dark hole that consumes me deep inside.

A: Why haven’t people around you noticed?

B: The trick is to never let anyone come close enough. You know what I am talking about, don’t you?

A: Its going to be difficult like this.

B: Does it have to be? Can’t it all be just the way it was? Can’t we go back to.. the way we were?

Possibilities

Manveer Grewal — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 03:39:11 +0000

When you are finally living your best form, and possibilities all seem real & achievable, you sometimes wonder if you demanded the right things for yourself from the universe.